Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
