My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
