Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
