her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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