i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
