When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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