why didn't you poke me back
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
