if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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