i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
