Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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