I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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