He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
