I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
