i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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