Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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