My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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