well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
