Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
