I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
