Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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