omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
