so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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