I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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