i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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