She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
