Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
