I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
