I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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