I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
