I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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