If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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