Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
