I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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