Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
