I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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