I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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