I'm really into asian looking animals
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
