I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
