just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
