I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
