"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
