Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
