Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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