I think I am morally bankrupt
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
