Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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