Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
