come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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