Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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