I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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