i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
