yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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