she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
