never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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