he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
