You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
